Again here and still alive and stuff, but I have been wondering about several things in the past couple of weeks. Tl;dr at the end with the important questions.One thing what I have been not only thinking about in the past couple of weeks but months, maybe even years, is that, should I open my own online store somewhere? Would I be able to keep up with it and do what I have to do every day? I'm getting older and even years ago I have wandered about how I will be able to work or what I will going to do, because I never felt really encouraged and motivated even though when I did crafted something or made something I felt good after I looked at the finished piece. I just don't know what I will going to do with my life. Its like a mid-life crisis, it's only that I'm only 21. I have seen and heard a lot of similar people. They just don't feel anything about the things they do or get bored rather easily. Some of those people can be explained with that, they not putting their heart, their soul into their work, but there are still people who doesn't fall under this. I don't know, I feel like something is weird with my head. I can understand that because there are some pretty stupid shit in my life what happened with me, lets say, during the past 5 years. But I don't feel depressed really or anything like that. Or I just want to believe I'm not, hard to tell. I'm studying what I want for living (I will write about that a bit later more), but I have thought A LOT about how I will going to live. Am I going to be the poor-ass kind of artist? Or am I going to be somewhat in the middle category? I don't know, I just don't. I also happen to think way too much. Like I have just started to study what I like and I'm already worried how I will make a living out of it. Well, I probably should be worried I guess, but yeah. I guess this is kind of natural for artists. They struggle a lot to create the most perfect thing ever, but of course it's not always like that. One artist I know said this to me once I was whining and struggling with my art: "The thing with artistic creations is that you have to make one thing. Gotta start somewhere. That one thing will be the biggest piece of shit in the world. Then you make another terrible artwork. And another. And then, maybe, people around you might notice. They might say, "Oh, look at that person making amazing things". And then it's like "But I make absolute fucking shit. What?" And you keep on doing that."And he is absolutely right. He is nearly always right. I secretly adore him in a way. But I don't think I will ever again have deeper conversations with him. Those times flew away. But his message living in me and basically making me move on my way. Its just a part of the whole thing he said to me to be fair, but I think its represents what I want to express here. One day I may tell this to him. Or he may read it here, but I don't think that will ever happen. Anyway, the point is what I'm trying to make here is that, I'm a typical artist with a lot of doubts and fear. So in some ways I understand myself why I sometimes actually avoiding crafting, because I'm scared I'm going to fail. Based psychology. But one thing I noticed like in the past 2 weeks when I started to bead again. It was that I felt guilty, not strongly, just a little bit at back at my brain. And I realized that it's a reaction created and burned into my brain by school. Because usually when I made something I meant to do homework and stuff like that, because procrastination for the win. So I looked at my mental self and said "what the actual fuck". It was rather scary to realize that I feel guilty doing something what should give me the biggest pleasure in my life what work can give me.So now I'm here, learning how to enjoy life again basically. The funny thing is, my middle school and high school wasn't strict at all, it was a Waldorf school. I can't imagine what I would be now if I would have gone to a regular school. I'm already rather weak minded, I'm not really emotionally stable, so like when I had my final exams, I was close to crash in a complete mental breakdown.
I could write more about my past couple of months and years, but somewhat I don't feel like sharing all the bad things which happened with me. I'm not happy, not completely anyway. I'm a lot alone in myself and I want to do stuff, but doing things like photography alone in the forest or anywhere can be boring. I'm a chatty person even it's not that what you can see from me.It's a bit weird to write this much about myself and post it for open audience. But I guess there is that time when I must come out from my castle, even though still wearing a heavy, metal plated armour on me. It's a good feeling to write down some of my thoughts. For a very long time I kept every thought, every idea in my head. Actually it was earlier this year when I started to write down my jewellery ideas and stuff like that, encouraged by the same person who said the quote above. I have heard about that writing can be like a therapy, and now I'm letting myself to know myself a bit better, it's a very true thing. So, the thing this whole journal begin was online stores. I have been looking into things, and seems like Etsy started to have it's star slowly going down. Artfire is the next big online shop I seen many artist using, but I don't know anything about that or any other place which could be a good place to sell. So after all this japing I would like to know which are the best places to sell stuff?I said above I will talk a little bit about my school as well. So, yeah, goldsmith course, 2 years long, not daytime class what I would have liked but meh that's the least problem here. The thing is this school is a hot mess. Basically It started like middle of September or something like that and now it's the end of October and we may going to have a schedule now. Maybe. Hopefully. So in the past one and a half month I didn't learn anything at all. We basically had art history classes which I basically all know because I graduated from that.I didn't write about this much but my cats are a hot damn mess. Last winter we went to the vet every week, usually more than once because there were always cuts and bites on them. And now my oldest cat, Dagi having a horrible infection and stuff going on. Something likely bit her on her neck and it turned into a horrible abscess. There is a hole on her neck from where pus continuously coming and the smell is horrendous. This abscess found a way to open up into her throat and ear as well. She is kinda fine, eating and drinking, not as much as she should but still some, but both the vet and us are worried because it just doesn't getting better, the pus river isn't stopping. So for the tl;dr
- I'm totally an artist and it's not easy to get over myself
- What is the best place to sell handmade goods online? (which isn't Etsy)
- My school kinda sucks but hopefully it's getting somewhere
- I spend more time at the vet than my own doctor
Yeah, well, thanks for your precious time you spent (or not) on this piece of horseshit. I appreciate that a lot and if there is some interest I may write more about myself and my life.